hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
