im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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