New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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