His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
