yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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