what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
