FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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