"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
