I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
