you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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