if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
