I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
