when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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