i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
