Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
