i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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