she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
