Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
