It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
