He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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