so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
