I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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