I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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