im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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