I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Bring me that man meat
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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