My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
