Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
