Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Text me some of your sweat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
