The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize