i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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