I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
