He is an equal opportunity slut.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
