2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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