i think i have herpe
just one?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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