Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
