p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
