If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
