We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
