Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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