Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize