Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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