Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
