mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
