It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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