i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
