I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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