Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
