Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
