My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In America we eat man semen.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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