if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
