a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
