You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
