yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
