shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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