I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
