Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
