U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
