i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize