I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
