im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
