I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
