Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
