i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
