I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
