I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
